I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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