I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
