then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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