I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
