So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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