I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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