just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
