dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
