At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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