Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
