You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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