Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
