We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
