do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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