Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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