i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize