I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
