I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
