i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The air taste purple.
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