I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
