Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize