I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
