Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
