You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
