I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Acid is not a monday night drug
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
