come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
