i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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