Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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