I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
