.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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