yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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