I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize