How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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