i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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