I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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