YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
