I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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