goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
