Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
