How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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