my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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