i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
