I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
