So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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