I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
