but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
