I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
