her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Someone shattered a urinal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
