Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
