Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
