Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
