ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
