but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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