so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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