New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
