It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
