they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
