Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
