I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
