There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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