sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
