If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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