moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
