you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
