Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love you. Go after that dick
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