Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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