And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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