but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
