I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize