Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
