Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I forget how to act sober
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
