Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize