Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
