the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
