The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
