No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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