WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
