I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish I only lived at night.
You can't special order awesome
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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