I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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